Upon Winter

Fall is over and we are coming upon winter. The island is so incredibly beautiful here in the fall season. The leaves turned all sorts of colors and towards the end the leaves were all bright yellow. Now the trees are mostly bare and it's almost time for the Thanksgiving holiday. There are many things I wish I could make last so much longer. Recording and writing isn't going as well as I had hoped. I planned to be writing and recording nonstop once I got here and it's just not coming. I put so many expectations on myself which was my first mistake. I'm realizing that I have a lot more to deal with inside of myself than I thought. I guess you learn a lot when you are stuck with yourself on an island for a couple months. I'm seeking outside and searching inside of myself trying to find what it might be that makes me feel the way I do....insecure, unconfident...blah, blah, blah. I just want to figure it out so I can make it go away. I know it doesn't work that way necessarily but I am a firm believer in soul searching...digging deep into the past to see what might have made me the way I am now or looking to the future to see who it is I want to become. I just want to be aware, aware of who I am and why...and aware of others around me...it's just not easy or all that fun sometimes. So I'm on a journey just like everyone is, whether they believe it or not, and I'm working towards something that's bigger than myself or anyone else. At this point I don't feel like I have much to offer...I'm not recording much and having a pretty hard time writing...so I'm reading a lot and I think it's good for me. I'm reading novels or books of poetry. Things are always changing and because of that we are never stuck in the same spot for too long...there's hope in that, right?